Monthly Archives: SEPTEMBER 2009

So Kanye West hasn't recovered from foot-in-mouth disease.

After a long period of complete averageness, dodgy contributions that tarnish possibly-OK songs, and general blandness, Kanye did what Kanye does best at the 2009 VMAs ... be a complete ass. Or a "Jackass," as Barack Obama has named him.

Now I for one am all for disruption and general mayhem. It's great, usually always, especially at awards ceremonies. I mean seriously: Award ceremonies. For music videos, no less. With all their silly little categories. And complete lack of logic - Beyonce doesn't make the best female video of the year, but makes the overall video of the year ... that's a strange logic to apply, and one that perhaps vindicates the mad-as-a-hatter West (not Adam - Kanye, Family Guy fans). If logic were applied, then there would be no nominees for video of the year until the winners of all the other categories ...
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Mungolian Spring apples ... they do for music what arachnophobia does for bananas and toilet cleaning fluids. Also, microscopic residues and traces of warthog earwax. Like a violin, you know. You should really get out more, get some fresh air. You're reading this wrong.

No matter how badly you want it, you must RESIST it.

It's like chocolate, with teeth. We have conducted both electricity and orchestras, and also a survey of housewives from the 1950s (during our time in black suits).

Dishes come out cleaner when you listen to music from a vinyl record while cleaning. CDs showed 8% less gleamingness, and audiocassettes (Standard Ferric Oxide magnetic tape) showed an increase in grime and smudging. The mp3 results were continually inconclusive, and will require further testing.

It was also noted that Japanese vinyl brought dishes clean to the squeak.

You will find out more in short public information films to be broadcast on your television, and these will also incorporate a nice graph demonstrating the overall correlation of musical media format, and Beyonce Knowles mudwrestling with a Serbian Orphan boy with no tonsils and a 50% leg quota.