So what IS the X Factor?

Three left:

Olly Murs
Stacey Solomon
Joe McElderry

Again, Mister Joe Slow did his ballads, stretching himself not a jot. And no-one complained. After rumours of backbiting and feuding between Olly Murs and Danyl Johnson, Danyl was bade farewell, and - at least on camera - took it graciously ...

Stacey seemed confused (nothing new there).

So what is the X Factor?

Apparently, Joe McElderry has it in spades. But I cannot detect it at all ... His womanly voice seems to carry away all the possibilities of criticism that every other contestant suffered (Jamie Archer was just a rocker; Lucie Jones could only sing slow numbers; Stacey can't move and sing at the same time). Is his voice really that good? Is it so mindbogglingly distracting that he could look like a potato dressed as a turd and no-one would care?

I confess, I'm stumped. Completely. And I don't know why I'm even writing about it here ...

OK, he seems to be a reasonably decent human being. Good for him! I've met quite a few of those, all equally talented in their different fields, but generally that isn't enough to be given a free pass as Joe has received.

And he will win, it seems. By a large majority ...

And who will buy Joe's records? And more importantly, what kind of records?

According to the rumour mill, the winner will be singing "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus ...

Tailor-made for Joe, not so good for the other two, particularly Olly, who might feel a tad old to be singing a song like that ...

The ballad boy has been handed the competition, it seems ...

So, unless miracles happen, this will be my last mention of the subject. I can only expect tears from Cheryl Cole at an appropriately poignant moment in the final, Louis Walsh hammering a nail into Stacey's coffin, Simon Cowell making his bland overstatements (we need at least one "That performance makes me proud to be British" in there before all is done) and Danni Minogue being unexpectedly critical of Olly and Stacey ... again.

Why vote? Why watch? It's been a foregone conclusion for the past two weeks that they have decided that Joe should win, and he's so inoffensive, the oldsters will vote for that nice boy.

Bring out the Blandston!