I have upset some people at Mungolian HQ ... apparently they fear my departure into the dark and strange world of TV forums ...

That's not going to happen. I am already aware of "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here!"

I shall not be watching.

Why? Apart from George Hamilton (best movie: "Love at First Bite"), I have no clue who these "celebrities" are. Apart from two: one being Samantha Fox, former tits-out model and occasional singer with Hawkwind (you think I'm joking???), and once, almost a fully-fledged popstar.

The other?

A nauseating pus-squirt from the septic anus of modern British culture: "Katie Price, aka Jordan."

After a televised marriage - breakdown and all - the most amoral opportunistic publicity whore (and other kinds of whore, one might suspect) is returning to the show that brought her her greatest level of fame and a television show or three ... for "closure" ... oh yes - and a possible "lesbian" relationship (in other words, she'll be hitting on Sam Fox, who is lately a lesbian after a rack of disastrous male-centered frolics and gambits).

Yes, Katie Price - the ultimate dirty sandwiche from the cheapest greasy spoon cafe, the supreme re-used condom, the greatest walking Dirty Sanchez ever to wear fake tan and make a sex tape or three ... she makes Paris Hilton look classy. She also has an acid tongue that she unleashes every now and then, which, while not entirely without its merits, usually is whipped out and lashing around in the name of proving that Katie Price is a betterer tits-out-for-the-lads kind of horny she-goat than any uvver bitchcow like that Jodie Marsh slag wannabe ... etc.

Oh yes. I am aware of this televisual microwave hot dog. But since I know what's in it, I'm not going to eat it. Would you be prepared to eat a ball of lard rolled in dog hairs and dipped in elephant spunk?

Neither would I.